Can I Forgive?

From a message by Pastor Randy Thornton

“If you are going to live the Christian life, you are going to have to learn to forgive,” the Rev. Randy Thornton said.

Thornton, 53, a husband, father of four and senior pastor of Grace Church in Southern Pines, N.C., recently delivered this message, “Can I Really Forgive,” at the church.

Thornton told of a man who seemed to generate conflicts in his relationships. That man adored his late mother and said he had resolved problems with his still-living father, who years ago abused him.

A friend of the fellow in this story counseled him and felt impressed that his conflicts with people had to do with his adored mother. The man said he didn’t think he had unresolved issues with his deceased mother, who, more than the father, was the leader in the home during his growing-up years. While thinking about his friend’s impression, however, the man saw a mental scene of his mother and father in the home where he grew up; he saw his father abusing him and his mother not intervening. He realized he had un-forgiveness toward his mother. Though he had idealized her, he harbored subconscious bitterness toward her. He repented (and hopefully experienced fewer conflicts with people).

Bitterness can eat away at relationships, Thornton said. The people who are closest to you can hurt you the most. Bitterness holds you captive; you become a slave to the person you hold bitterness toward. A person needs to understand the “root” of his bitterness.

Thornton told of counseling a lady “who had mental illness.” She had problems with her father; finally, she forgave him and witnessed to him.

“Three months after she shared Christ with him, her dad accepted the Lord,” Thornton said. “The key to seeing God move is for you to choose to forgive others, no matter what they’ve done.”

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV).

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Hebrews 12:15).

Don’t cause yourself to fall “short of grace”: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

Don’t cause a root of bitterness to spring up, cause trouble and defile many. Thornton defined “grace” as “God’s desire and power to release.” He said a “root” is “a plant’s ability to survive.” If you add to the root system, new branches appear. Dump anger onto your wife and children, and that anger can transfer to generations and defile many, Thornton said.

Sin and shame in a person’s heart can cause bitterness to grow there, too. Thornton read about the woman at the well (John 4 NIV):

Jesus and his disciples visited Sychar, a Samaritan town, and the disciples went to buy food. Jesus, worn out, sat alone at Jacob’s well; during the heat of the day, a Samaritan woman came to draw water. Most women probably obtained water from that well during morning hours, Thornton said, adding, “Was it that she wanted no one to see her?” The Jews looked down on Samaritans, but Jesus showed kindness. She experienced God’s love.

Jesus asked the woman, “Will you give me a drink?” She said, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water…whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Jesus asked her to go and get her husband; she said she had no husband; Jesus said he knew she’d had five husbands and that the man she lived with was not her husband. He told her he was the Messiah. The woman left her water pot, went to the city and told the men, “Come and see a man who told me all the things I have done! Could this be the Messiah?”

“When God sets you free of shame, you can access confidence in front of those who’ve shamed you,” Thornton said. “The woman at the well left her water pot and her shame at the well. Jesus set the woman free. He can do the same, today. Are you not ‘walking’ with others because you feel shame and come at noon to the well? Jesus can set you free to walk with others. It wasn’t by accident that Jesus ended up in Samaria. He was there to set people free. He’s here today to set you free.”