Pastor Randy Thornton spoke recently on “How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: First Loves Need Second Chances” at Grace Church in Southern Pines, N.C.
“We have a lot of people in different stages (of life), and we want to address staying morally pure,” said Thornton, Grace’s senior pastor.
He married Sarah in 1980 and took her to see some places where avalanches had occurred in Colorado, his home state. He noticed his wife, from the Sandhills of N.C., shied away from some of his beloved high-altitude scenery. He asked what was wrong. Sarah said, “Randy, there are no guard rails. We could die!”
“People in marriage are being taken down by avalanches, because there are no guardrails,” Thornton said. “They find themselves in wrong relationships – either emotionally or physically.”
He said trouble brews and deception reigns when one steps out from under the “umbrella of authority” and that rebellion is “as the sin of witchcraft” (1 Samuel 15:23 NIV: “For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry…).
“There are people in this room who are close to the guardrails, maybe even close to going over,” he said. “It’s best to be under authority where God can bless.”
He warned of “the sins of the fathers,” saying, “What a parent does in moderation, a child will do in excess.” He said it’s better to stick with a difficult marriage and work at it, so the children have a chance at success in life. “Who suffers in an adulterous affair? It’s the children. Marriage is crumbling, and it’s what holds this society together.”
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4 NIV).
“I could tell, as a pastor, hundreds of stories of betrayal,” he said. “If emotional needs are met outside of marriage, physical needs are not far behind. There are no reasons anyone should have an affair, but some people do.”
He gave 15 ways to affair-proof your marriage:
1. Make your relationship with God your top priority in life.
2. Make your relationship with your spouse your top priority outside of your relationship with God.
3. Nurture the emotional intimacy in your marriage.
4. Show appreciation on a regular basis.
5. Spend time together doing fun things and just “hanging out.”
6. Keep your intimate sexual life passionate and active.
7. Discuss and resolve issues as they come up. “…In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:25-27).
8. Share your goals for the present and the future; support each other’s goals.
9. Talk about the problem of infidelity and know that it can strike any marriage.
10. Make wise decisions about contacts with the opposite sex at work and other settings, including church. Reportedly, 18-year-old men think of sex every 32 seconds. “If men are subject to sexual desires, let me challenge ladies to not come to church in sexual array,” Thornton said. “Dress in a way that ‘puts on the Lord Jesus Christ.’” Be careful with workplace relationships and avoid casual hugs and kisses. He warned of inappropriate Internet relationships, which begin with emotional attachments for “cyber-space soul mates.” He said, “They are becoming an increasing problem. Infidelity does not always include sex. Don’t play with fire. Don’t get close to the
guardrails. Who’s going to pay the price? The children and the children’s children.”
11. Evaluate your vulnerabilities.
12. Watch for three danger signals that you’ve crossed the line: emotional intimacy, sexual tension and secrecy.
13. Establish boundaries.
14. Have a sense of honor and duty.
15. WWJD? – What Would Jesus Do? Jesus said, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
“Witnessing to your high school girl friend is no good,” Thornton said. “Have your wife witness to her, or call a pastor in her city. What would Jesus do? He’d pray and ask God to give him strength!”
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