Elements of a Healthy Family

From a message by Pastor Randy Thornton

“God has called us to be in families,” said Pastor Randy Thornton, 53, during a recent sermon at Grace Church in Southern Pines, N.C.  “Family is all about relationships.”

Thornton, 53, Grace’s senior pastor, listed the following six points as he spoke on “How to Have a Healthy Family”:

1. Families make (create) fun.

“Jesus knew how to connect with people – emotional intelligence,” Thornton said.

Jesus said, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

“Find creative ways to have fun by doing fun things together,” Thornton said, adding that by having family activities, you teach children how to get along with people.”

Slow down. Schedule some playtime. Ask yourself, “Is there a fun way to do this (chore)?” Do unexpected, new stuff. Plan surprises. Make it happen. Fun often doesn’t just happen.

2. Give attention.

St. Paul said, “…Fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:1-4).

“Giving your life away is one of the greatest things we believers should do,” Thornton said.

Find time to unwind. Unplug from things of the day. Learn to listen; let people give opinions without cutting them off to give your opinion.

3. Capture memories.

“…Take heed to yourself…lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren…” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

“Healthy families capture memories,” Thornton said. “Write it down; get a picture.”

Create several anniversaries. Hang up wedding photos. Family vacations often provide the greatest memories. Return to memorable locations. Photograph and video your children; write letters to loved ones as they grow up.

4. Verbally inspire.

“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another…” (1Thessalonians 5:11). “A good man out of the good treasure…brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things” (Matthew 12:35).

Catch people doing the right thing, and let them know. Weigh your words (the tongue can be a fire, says James). Use words to edify. Write it out; send letters – they are little treasures. Encourage children in front of others (praise them in public; discipline them in private).

5. Love without condition.

“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands…rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself…and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel…” (John 13:3-5).

After Jesus washed feet and ate “The Last Supper” with his disciples, he said, “Little children…A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:33-35).

Thornton said he was a teenager and a fairly new Christian when he told his stepfather that he loved him. His stepfather, for the first time Thornton remembers, responded with “I love you.”

“Tell them you love them,” Thornton said. “Love them with actions. Love them with respect – 70 percent of communication is non-verbal.”

6. Yield to God.

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7).

“…Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).